Deployments are a tricky thing; many see it as a true testament to how strong your relationship is. Let’s face it, it’s not exactly simple to maintain that closeness you experience with your significant other when oceans and continents separate you. But there are things that you can keep in mind to maybe alleviate some of the stress. Below are a few tips to keep in mind when preparing/going through a deployment as suggested by several of my friends over at Sailor’s Better Half.

Understand Communication.

When my husband left I had the hardest time with communication. Over time I found out that his job prevents him from being able to communicate with me often. That being said if you’re writing every day and he’s only writing to you once a week; understand it’s not that he is ignoring you. Sometimes, he’s just working.

Sometimes tensions can run really high during a deployment. The hardest thing to keep in mind is that with him or her there and you here, it’s not exactly a great time to try to fight. While it’s understandable sometimes fighting is unavoidable, just try to stay positive. Be happy that you get to communicate with him and try to keep conversations positive.

As with boot camp, I’ve always found it helpful to not even expect any communication at all. Why? Because when you do get that email/call/etc. it’s a nice pleasant surprise. Getting all upset over whether he or she will contact you isn’t going to help you find any peace during this deployment. Allow yourself to be pleasantly surprised; it makes a world of difference.

Trust

For most people, when talking about trust the first thing to come to mind is fidelity. Deployments are often viewed as a big test; a test of the strength of your relationship and everything else about it. For me, a good rule of thumb has always been: Don’t do anything you would be uncomfortable with him doing if he was in your situation. Sure sometimes that can seem like an inconvenience but in the long run it’s not. Keeping your service member in mind will make your relationship maintain a strong trust level throughout your deployment.

Even beyond that, trust isn’t just about fidelity. Power of Attorney is a big deal. It gives another person the ability to make life changing decisions on behalf of the service member. You should never forget that it takes a lot of trust on his or her part to give it to you.

Independence

I’m a firm believer that being your own person lends strength to a relationship. After all, your significant other did not choose to be with you because you were anyone else. At times it’s really difficult to feel like you can still be yourself with the military involved. Deployments are a good time to learn something new for you. Perhaps pick up an old hobby or find a new one! Keeping busy during a deployment not only helps the time go by faster, but it also gives you something to write about.

I’ve always found it difficult to maintain contact with certain people. More often than not, those first new days he or she is gone, you may find it difficult to talk to other people; even if they are your closest friends. It’s totally normal to want to shut off contact to everyone for a few days, but keep in mind if you push your friends too far away for too long you risk losing your support system. It may be helpful to let your friends and family know you would like to take a few days to yourself to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings.

Find ways to connect

More often than not those of us left behind feel so constricted by our forms of communication with service members. By finding special ways to connect with one another over distance and time, you’ll find your relationship can remain passionate regardless of obstacles.

I’ve always found it helpful to tell my husband about my daily activities via emails. At times I personally may think it’s boring, but he has told me on more than one occasion it makes him feel closer to me. By telling him what I’ve been doing every day, it establishes a sense of normalcy for our relationship.

Find a special way to express your love and concern. Do the two of you have a special way to sign letters? Maybe you write morning notes to each other? Think of things that you would normally do or say if he or she was home, and then find a way to adapt them into a communicable form.

Care packages are a great way to connect with your service member. You can express your love and support packed in a box. My friend Kim told me she connects to her Sailor by using care packages in place of the little things she would do if he was home. For instance, she’ll send him his favorite candy since she cannot cook him his favorite meal.

Pre-deployment discussions to have

Less stress going into a deployment often equals easier transition from pre-deployment to deployment. Before your service member leaves be sure to discuss all practical things in relation to your household. Make sure you know where the fuse box is, how to change a tire, the contact information to your emergency roadside assistance, etc. Getting ahead of some problems that may arise will make you feel better and more confident.

Don’t forget to discuss household finances. Who will be taking care of the bills? Will they be automatically allotted? Do you have all the passwords you need for online accounts? Making a list of accounts and go through them to be thorough is helpful in this situation.

The last thing to note is that everyone handles deployment differently. Truthfully, every separation is different. Sometimes a short separation can feel worst than a long deployment. By understanding and anticipating that it can feel different, you should also understand your significant other can also handle each deployment differently. It’s not unusual for either partner to try to emotionally distance themselves. More often than not this can result in some minor fighting. Keep the communication lines open and try to talk it out. Anticipating pre-deployment jitters will help you identify whether your fights are real fights or simply jitters.

Last update : 03/23/2009 12:09 PM

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