Planning a wedding is stressful in even the best conditions.  When you throw the military into the mix, it can seem almost impossible.  Don’t worry, though, if you keep a few simple pieces of advice in mind, it will make things go much more smoothly.  Here are the most important things I learned when planning my wedding.

First and foremost, you must be flexible.   You might have always wanted to get married on the same day as your parents, but the military doesn’t care.  If they need your fiancé to be at work that day, they aren’t going to let him off for your wedding.    Come up with alternate dates and locations if needed until he is able to get his leave approved.  However, keep in mind that even if they do say that he can have the leave to get married, nothing is ever set in stone.  Try not to let this get to you.

Keep your fiancé involved; it’s his wedding too.  This might seem difficult if you are living in different states or if he happens to be deployed, but it’s still doable.  My fiancé was deployed during much of our engagement and I came up with a way for him to still stay involved via email.  I made a list of everything that I needed his help with.   I split it into a list of things he absolutely had to contribute to (such as the guest list) and things I’d like his opinion on.  I then emailed him the first list - complete with dates by which I needed those things done - so he could do it when he had the time.  For things I wanted his opinion on, I would send him two options I liked and tell him to pick one.   That way he was able to be involved in the things I knew he’d care about and I could handle the rest on my own.

However, don’t get upset if he can’t be as involved as you’d like.  His lack of involvement isn’t necessarily his fault.  He has a very time consuming job to do and he might not be able to be as involved as you and he had hoped.

Utilize the fact that you are marrying into the military.  Many vendors will offer discounts for military couples.  Others may waive the fee for rescheduling, if needed.  Never be afraid to explain your situation and see if they can offer a little help.

Get a notebook and keep track of everything.  This is good advice for any bride, but it’s especially necessary for a military bride as your plans could potentially be changing at any moment without much notice.  There are planning guides you can purchase, or you can create your own.  Look around online for websites with free worksheets and charts.

Get everything in writing.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a vendor you’ve hired, or your sister-in-law saying she’ll do your hair.  Putting your expectations and their agreement in writing insures that it will be done the way you both expect.  Make sure that you include a plan for a potential date change in there as well.

Don’t try to do it alone.   Just because your fiancé might not be there, it doesn’t mean you don’t have people who would love to help.  Your mom, his mom, your sisters or friends, even your dad or brother can offer you the support and help you need to get everything done.  Don’t be afraid to ask.  If you have the money, hiring a planner or a “day of” coordinator is an option too.

Finally, the best piece of advice I can give is to remember this:

It’s just one day.  Your wedding is not your marriage.   Of course you’d like it to go perfectly, but if it doesn’t, it’s not the end of the world.  You still get to marry the man you love.  That’s all that really matters. 

I'm Kim. My husband and I were married August 10, 2008. Before marrying him I'd learned alot about being with a military man, but I wasn't at all prepared for planning a wedding to one. Eventually I figured out a few very important things that made it much easier.

Last update : 02/02/2009 02:59 PM

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